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8 Practical Hints on How to Talk to Your Ageing Parents
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8 Practical Hints on How to Talk to Your Ageing Parents
- Spare Your Advice Unless It’s Requested
- Listen to Your Ageing Parent
- Agree to Disagree
- Speak Distinctly
- Clear Distractions When Talking
- Put Yourself into the Shoes of Your Ageing Parent
- Choose Your Battles
- Laugh Whenever You Get a Chance
- Start the Talk Early
Talking to your ageing parents can be challenging. They can be very stubborn, and discussing serious topics about their well-being may become very difficult. As much as you understand that they are not doing it on purpose, it still gets on your nerves and can be very frustrating.
Here are some tips to help you talk to your ageing parents without upsetting them and getting frustrated.
Spare Your Advice Unless It’s Requested
Your parent has been in charge of your actions all your life. They have been the person you probably ran to when you were in a dilemma. Now you are taking up their role. The shift can be hard to accept for them. It is, therefore, best to withhold your advice and offer support and encouragement.
If you have to give advice, test the waters first. For example, instead of saying, “The house is very untidy and dirty; you need to hire someone to help you clean it.” You can say, “Maintaining the house must be hard.” If they seem receptive, go ahead and say, “You know, hiring a housekeeper is an option, and it can help you get more free time to knit (or any of their hobbies).
This ensures that you don’t appear as if you are commanding them around or making decisions for them. The strategy can work even when you are discussing difficult topics. For instance, if it’s about moving to an old folks home, you can say, “Olivia’s mom moved to an old folks home. She talks a great deal about the lovely company mates she has there. It’s like a reunion.” This may get them thinking about the idea and eventually embracing it.
Listen to Your Ageing Parent
Be attentive when an older person is talking to you. Their input is valid. Don’t interrupt them. When they suddenly pause during a conversation, don’t feel the need to fill the gaps or complete the sentences for them. They might be thinking about something. Practice patience during dialogues, and they will slowly start reciprocating the attention.
Agree to Disagree
Most of the time, there is no right or wrong, just different points of views. Our different personalities are what make the world interesting. This is a vital point to remember when you are talking to your parents. Resist the temptation of pushing your long thought-out decision. If they are still of sound mind and it’s not a matter of life and death, go with their decision. Sometimes, it takes longer discussions and time for them to get to where you are. Again, you need to exercise your patience.
Speak Distinctly
Change is hard to accept. With ageing adults, it is not easy to accept that they can’t hear anymore or understand a conversation. It is your responsibility to talk calmly and be gentle. If necessary, talk loudly but don’t shout. Be eloquent and avoid mumbling.
Additionally, don’t talk about many topics at the same time. Focus on one thing at a time. Use of simple words and short sentences also boosts their understanding. If you still sense that they are not following, rephrase the sentences. While doing this, avoid being patronizing. Even though your parent may be living with dementia, they are not a child. Treating them like one can be offensive.
Clear Distractions When Talking
Human beings are easily distracted. Multitasking and concentrating get worse as we age. It is advisable to create a conducive environment to communicate before you start an important topic. If you are having a family meeting, don’t position them at the end of the table. Let them be in the middle of the table so that they are continually aware that they are part of the discussion.
Put Yourself into the Shoes of Your Ageing Parent
It’s hard to understand what another individual is going through if we have not experienced it. Try to put yourself into the shoes of your parents. What would you do if you were losing everything; your spouse, health, money, friends, mobility, and independence? It’s definitely a stormy time of life. Acknowledge their losses and encourage them to talk about them.
Choose Your Battles
As seniors grow older, they develop multiple complications. It may be mobility issues, loneliness, memory problems, etc. Your goal as a caregiver is to improve their well-being in whatever way you can. However, you need to pick your battles. Decide what really matters and concentrate on improving it. Working on many things at the same time can be overwhelming for both you and the elderly. Work on small things and enjoy the small victories. Eventually, you will accomplish improvements.
Laugh Whenever You Get a Chance
Laughter is the best medicine. The most challenging situations can become less hectic with a simple laugh. Grab any humorous situations whenever you get them. A laugh can build closeness and tighten the bond between you and the elder. However, ensure that they also see the humor so you are not laughing at them.
Start the Talk Early
Don’t wait until it is too late to start the conversation with your parents. Talk to them in advance about their health and make them understand that you want to act right by them. Don’t wait until your parents are struggling with health and financial issues to bring up the topic.
Wrapping Up
Getting to see your parents ageing is a blessing and something to celebrate. However, sometimes, it may not feel like it. Good communication skills can help you improve your relationship with ageing adults. Remember to be gentle, patient, and choose the right time to introduce sensitive topics.
If you want to learn more about looking after your elderly parents, we’ve put together 10 tips on how to care for them in this article.
Contact our Care Advisors at 1300 22 8822 or drop us a message using the chat box on this page, to find out more about our caregivers and how they can help make life more convenient for your loved ones and you.
First Published on July 12th, 2023